Cardiac Arrest

Cardiac Arrest

I was afraid of being wounded by love,

if I love too much, if I care too much,

it will be fatal to be abandoned again.

I was afraid not to be chosen.

I was afraid to be left behind,

and in my fear and denial,

I was leaving myself behind,

by not embracing who I was.

Then someone left me behind.

I was deeply wounded, trapped in despair.

I took a scalpel to my own heart,

and cut it straight out of my chest,

then put it under a microscope.

It was a neat process to see,

old wounds still ripe and

new wounds gushing out in agony.

It was never meant to be this way,

I was much more than fear,

and time heals all wounds sounds like a lie,

on day 1 in pain but by day 400,

it reaffirms itself as the ultimate truth,

if you indeed let time heal you.

I kept my heart in a jar for months,

tending to every scratch and laceration

until it started to look like a healthy heart again.

Then, I stitched it back into myself where I belong.

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